FAQ's About Coaching with Dr. Cari Oneal
Thanks for asking about my coaching! If you’re inquiring about my services you’ve allowed the questions you have within yourself to MOVE you. Excellent. If for some reason we do not end up working together; stay curious, keep educating yourself, and keep experiencing your life! You will find your way if you don’t give up and give in to the difficulties of the journey.
An educated consumer is my best client! At the very least, they are more likely to find the right coach or therapist who can help them with their unique goals and personal challenges. The marketplace can be a dangerous climate for consumers. Unfortunately, anyone can claim to be a sex coach or sexologist and work with people with no solid training or certifications from reputable institutions to attest to their knowledge or skills. Unqualified sex coaches come in many forms: bloggers, writers, people who’ve had numerous sexual partners, and those who have overcome negative wounding. Sexuality is deep, complex, and layered. It goes to the core of who we are as humans. Always ask potential providers for their credentials.
That said, here are my credentials & qualifications
- Ph.D., Human Sexuality (emphasis: Sexual Wellbeing), Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality - San Francisco
- Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, American College of Sexologists International
- Certified Sex and Intimacy Coach, World Association of Sex Coaches
- Board Certified Sex Coach (CSC), Sex Coach U
- Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Professional Skills, Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP)
- Bachelor of Science Degree in Mechanical Engineering, California State University
- I’ve been Coaching Individuals and Couples since 2014
This is a very important step along your journey— I honor where you are at and appreciate you asking this question. Here are my insights...
Consider your most important goal: Getting better and working through the issues holding you back in an effective and time-efficient way.
The first step in your search is to find a qualified list of people who can help you achieve that first goal.
- What is their treatment modality? i.e. Cognitive Behavior Therapy, EFT, Other.
- Ask potential providers— what is the average length of time or duration of therapeutic engagements?
- Find a provider who can get to the root of the problem quicker
Once you've narrowed your list down to a few providers...
- Schedule "are we a fit" calls to interview the provider regarding their approach and expertise related to your specific needs.
- Check references or testimonials to validate expertise and track record of success treating others.
- Does anyone stand out?
It is a natural progression for a person like me with a Ph.D. to go into Therapy. I have chosen a Coaching platform because it fits my results-oriented personality and my need for freedom to choose how I create results for clients. I will give you a safe space to process, I will push your buttons so that you dig for it, I will ‘hold the lifeline and the flash light’ for you while you work, and I will “get you back to safe harbor.” Personal growth work can be gritty, but it’s always worth the effort.
As a Clinical Sexologist, I have more time in sex-related aspects than the vast majority of my therapeutic-related peers who are licensed marriage and family therapists, social workers, etc. Why that may be of interest to you is that sex, sexually related behaviors, and deep wounding around sex are predominant presenting issues in problematic situations. They can be difficult to discuss even with a therapist, but they are the elephant in the living room BECAUSE they are difficult to discuss.
I want you to know, because of my background in sex; you are not going to throw me with what’s going on with you and you’re going to feel relieved when you finally feel heard.
I’ve never outgrown the tactical skillsets I developed while achieving my engineering degree. Breaking things down, understanding what makes them work, finding patterns, and optimizing strengths and skillsets is who I am naturally so I became trained in those areas. Engineering taught me that you don’t have a great or even good design unless it reproduces the results you want under varying circumstances REPEATEDLY and over time.
I approach your goal-oriented process and your personal growth in the same tactical way(s). I want you to win and I want you to feel and behave in the ways you envision yourself.
Yes! In fact, over half of my clients at any given point in time practice Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM).
Why is that so important you might ask? Because many therapists are unprepared to work with CNM clients.
- In a study of 249 CNM-identified individuals looking for therapy, many participants indicated that their therapist was either judgmental of their choices or simply unprepared to offer appropriate services.
Dr. Heath Schechinger, a licensed counseling psychologist and co-chair of the APA Division 44 Consensual Non-Monogamy Taskforce, says:
"Our participants repeatedly mentioned how harmful their therapists' lack of education about CNM and judgmental attitudes were. Over half of our participants indicated that their therapist held judgmental or pathologizing views of consensual non-monogamy, and one-fifth of our participants reported that their therapist lacked the basic knowledge of consensual non-monogamy issues necessary to be effective."
Relationships are complex, beautiful, and unique to everyone. During your healing process, the last thing you want is to work with a practitioner who does not understand or support your way of life.
This is YOUR life. I am here to help you navigate it in the ways YOU want to.
When a client comes to me and the presenting issue is sitting on their chest like the elephant that it is, we immediately go into a critical care situation. 3-5 sessions are generally a good amount of time to stabilize the current dynamics and to see how we work together. Clients quite often move from the end of their initial period to wanting more of this work.
It’s all about you, what you’ve got in your tool kit, who you want to be, behaviors you want to be exhibiting, and generally how you wish to feel about yourself. Working together we can uncover hidden beliefs and vows, build in what you want, practice your skills in the field, and optimize until you see yourself consistently behaving and creating the life you choose.
As a Sexologist I scientifically seek to understand:
- What it is people DO (or aren’t doing) Sexually
- HOW they are doing it (various skill sets, integrity, etc.)
- How they FEEL about what they are doing/not doing sexually
As an EFT practitioner, I facilitate the process of you removing subconscious beliefs that hijack your best efforts to change.
Post-doctorate, I spent a year mapping out the “voices of pain” that I hear from clients and their associated “wells of pain” from which they come. Getting you to the well of your pain, extracting the subconscious beliefs that reside there (like the cancers that they are), and finding the vows you made to yourself to survive is not for the faint of heart. But we do this together, and you decide what beliefs are healthy for who you want to be and how you choose to live.
I use a number of modalities like visualization, different energetic techniques, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping. Brain, emotional, and psychological technology has surpassed the typical Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which has long been the gold standard of care in traditional therapy.
There’s so much more you can achieve in less time.
In an effort to improve an individual’s well-being I use a very big toolbox that includes:
- Sexual, relational, and psychological models (teaching diagrams of how aspects of the Self relate to other aspects of interest) for education and understanding. Example: Superior Sexual Well-Being; The Modern Relationship; Our Labyrinth of Pain, and Your Way to Peace.
- Education on topics relevant to your case.
- Visualization and reframing techniques.
- Talk therapy or cognitive exploration of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
- Homework assignments specific to the issues raised in session or the skill sets being developed.
- Good old-fashioned accountability. I do care and I am here to help you find your confidence and competence.
I DO NOT prescribe or use medication or physical touch as part of my therapeutic plan for a client.
I specialize in short-term, action & results-oriented, goal-focused Sex Coaching. Many of my clients average from 5 to 9 sessions to achieve their short-term goals. That said, couples often come in with issues that they’ve been arguing about for years or decades— these issues may require deeper work and a longer commitment to resolve.
I require you to complete an intake form because it saves you time and money. Yes, the process of filling out the form can be difficult and stir up a lot of memories. That said, reflecting on your sexual history can speed up our discovery process and allow you to save our most valuable one-on-one in-session time for processing the most important issues keeping you from achieving your goals.
I am a self-pay provider which means you will have to pay for your sessions at the time of service. I do not take insurance. Finding the right provider who takes your insurance can be like finding a needle in a haystack unless you're looking for a provider who treats the most common symptoms; e.g. grief or loss of a loved one. Insurance can be limited and cover only a portion of your therapist visits. In addition, if your Therapist puts you on a long-term treatment plan - your out-of-pocket costs can be much higher over the long run.
That said, many of my clients pay for my services using their Health Savings Account or HSA. You can use your HSA money tax-free to pay for services. You need to research your specific HSA reimbursement process. Typically it is very easy to set up a provider (Dr. Cari Oneal) and pay with your HSA debit card.
I conduct sessions both via ZOOM and in person. During COVID-era concerns, I reserve the right to choose ZOOM or in-office sessions as I deem necessary which is best for your health and mine.
Yes! I offer a full suite of courses on popular topics like Squirting Orgasms and Sex Positive Event Essentials. You can access my courses any time of day in the privacy of your home here:
As a human being, if you are thinking of something, especially if you are upset about something, you are having a very real mind-body-emotional experience whether you realize it or not. Tapping is the only known Acupressure mind-body-emotional tool clinically proven to turn off the fight or flight response; also called the stress response. To date, EFT is the fastest and most efficient way of rewiring the brain. Think about that…
We now know enough about the brain, that if you can get to the hidden belief(s), you can rewire your brain – effecting change that is real. Getting to the hidden beliefs is an art in and of itself, but once you are at ground zero, EFT/Tapping allows you to realize you can choose what is best for you. This creates REAL RESULTS for the client they can count on.
EFT saves a LOT of time in the chair for the client. The Veterans Administration has been using EFT since 2004 and has found measurable symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance can be eliminated in as little as 5-10 EFT sessions. Whereas previously with traditional talk therapies and medication, nearly 3 times the sessions were needed for the same measurable results (ACEP p. 85).
I have been using EFT since 2009 and have created process(s) for my clients to leave no stone unturned regarding finding the hidden scripts and beliefs that keep them stuck, fearful, and feeling broken; in life and in the bedroom. This has absolutely changed my practice because now, in addition to having sound ideas, practical knowledge, and providing a safe space for them to process their dreams as well as their realities, with EFT, I provide neural system relief which allows change to genuinely transform them at the deepest levels.
I’m a member of the World Association of Sex Coaches and I take their code of Ethics & Standards very seriously. You may read this here: https://worldassociationofsexcoaches.org/ethics-and-standards/
I am pleased to hear that you are interested in taking the next step after learning more about my services! To start, let’s meet, talk about your needs, and ensure that we are a good fit for one another. Please visit my Schedule an Appointment page to set up a free 20-minute call.
This is a big step— thank you for your trust in me. I look forward to meeting you.